Dating tips for guys.

I don't like dating, at least until the third date. By then, you've gone through most of the awkward questions and you can talk more about your day, less about your feelings. I rarely spill my feelings and now I'm supposed to tell a guy on the second date why the only time I cry is during Biggest Loser?? Since I can't avoid dating forever, I'd like every man in the world to read to these dating tips based on mine (and my friends) awesome dating experiences.

1. Be Blunt. Don't say, "When you're free, maybe we could grab dinner or something.". Awesome, so girls like me (who have a numbing fear of first dates) are never going to be free. And what is something?? If I have to fill in the blanks I'm going to assume you want me to test the firmness of your mattress. So no. And maybe? Are you asking me to "do something" or not. My crazy women mind is about to explode.

2. Be careful, we're stalking you. Yes, we creep your social media; but, don't pretend like you're not looking at ours! That being said, on your public profile page, that my grandma could view, I don't want to see the following words: drunk, hungover, strippers, blackout, strange panties in my bed or any curse words. I mean seriously, if you put that out for the world to see, including your employer, then I don't even want to imagine what you do in private.

3. Be a gentleman. Seriously, do you not have a mom, grandpa, friend, country radio station or Ryan Gosling in your life? Pay for dinner (and calm a girls nerves by telling her in advance), open doors, pick us up, walk to our front door do NOT text us that you're waiting for us in the driveway and be nice to the waitress (don't stare at her butt).

4. Ask questions! Sometimes dates feel like I'm giving an interview. I can only think of so many questions before it starts to get weird and I ask what color is an albino dolphin. (Pink, the answer is pink).

So that's it gentleman, four easy tips to MAYBE get you to date two. It isn't that hard to be confident and assertive, yet kind and respectful. Oh use full sentences, remember what nouns and verbs are?

Disclaimer: I actually did not survey every girl in America so my advice is skewed to what my friends and I believe to be true. Until I find a guy who can entertain me through a first date, I'll just continue going to Justin Bieber concerts with my friends.

Perks of Marrying a Virgin

Let me start off by saying, I am a virgin and PROUD of it. In fact, just so guys know my intentions, I typically introduce myself like so, "Hi, I'm Ashley and I'm a Virgin." Think I'm joking? Ask any of my friends. That being said, I also strongly believe in making fun of myself and looking at the humor in life. So sit back, grab a glass of wine and enjoy my virgin perks.

Perks of marrying a Virgin:

1. You've heard the theory that you should "test" the car before you buy it. Well, the bonus of marrying a virgin is you don't have to worry about what type of "car" you are. I have never driven a BMW or Lexus. So you could be a 1986 Kia and you're going to be a Bentley to me. 

2. Couples often tell me that sex isn't that exciting and when you're married you'll barely "do it". Let's take a look at the math... If you've been having sex since you were 17, get married at 28 by the time you're in your mid 30's you're (probably) over it. Which means, if I get married at 28 (fingers crossed!) I'll be nearly 50 by the time I'm supposed to be "over it". Future husband, you are welcome.

3. When you're dating a Virgin, you don't have to worry about pregnancy scares. How many times have you driven your friend, girlfriend, sister or a perfect stanger to CVS because someone is a little "late"? At least I can confidently tell you when my pants are a little snug it has nothing to do with me carrying your child and everything to do with eating too much FroYo. 

4. Virgins are easily swayed. When I get married I'll have (roughly) 28 years of built up... um... "feelings", so when it comes to Virgins we'll never respond with "been there, done that." I think I've elaborated enough, you know what I mean...

So that's it, four reasons to enjoy dating or marrying a virgin. Everyone gives us a hard time because we're making our beau wait BUT when it finally happens, I can gaurentee my husband will have way better lockerroom talk than yours. 

The Plague: Singlehood

Sometimes I feel like being single is like having the plague. People apologize to me, ask me how I'm feeling/if I'm okay and sometimes I'm fully convinced people would bet on attending my funeral rather then my wedding. Awkward. So I've decided to help the general population and teach you how to speak to a single person. Please do take note because we are a rather large population.

1. Stop apologizing! Usually people ask the same general questions: How is work? Where are you living? Are you dating anyone? And when I say no, I usually get this "I'm so sorry." I'm only 25, I'd like to think that I have a few years left until I need to sign up for an arranged marriage - Which my Papaw said he'd take me to Greece to take care of that, so at least I have options. p.s. Please don't tilt your head or pat my shoulder while you're apologizing, I'm not dying here I'm just single.

2. After the apology it usually goes into something like, "What kind of person are you looking to date?" After running off my usual Christian, honest, family oriented... pause... pause... pause... Okay okay! GOSH! So I want him to be tall, a good dresser, a little buff, a hard worker, golfer, travel lover, spur of the moment yet a total planner, someone who would take a morning jog with me but also understands when I just want to sleep in, a romantic. Oops! I've said too much. "Well, do you think your standards are too high?" Yes, I think they are but I also think that's okay. I believe that God wants everyone to have the best, I think that goes from a career to a future spouse. So I'm going to continue to wait and believe that I can find a romantic Christian man who will have a beer with me while watching baseball.

3. The question I love the most is... Why are you still single? Well, I'm a little crazy, my standards are a "little high" and I don't believe in bar hopping every weekend to find Mr. Right. I love this question because it's usually followed up by who I should date. My most recent recommendation, Sean Lowe from the Bachelorette. I love that people say that, I think it's a sweet compliment because he is a seemingly amazing guy (This I've gathered from Reality T.V. and Twitter stalking. Duh.) but it isn't like I can have my people call his people. I haven't gotten my people yet, they're on back order. However, I do appreciate that efforts of my family and friends Tweeting him that he needs to take me out - some people would be embarrassed, I absolutely love it.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that people ask me questions and actually care to hear about my life. And I know that no one means anything offensive, this is just a funny outlook. Besides, if I focus on the funny about being single I sometimes forget that my best relationship has been with a bottle of Moscato and I usually have to bring one of my friends as my date to weddings.